I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
