I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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