My room smells like vodka and shame
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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