Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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