It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Mom said you looked used
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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