Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize