I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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