other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
