did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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