youre lurking in front of me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found puke in my bra..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
