My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
