Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will be naked everywhere
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
