she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
