I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
