Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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