he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
