I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I will pee on everything he values.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
