On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just cropdusted the office
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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