so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would ride that face into the sunset
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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