he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
