when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
