I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize