did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
