sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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