i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
