you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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