dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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