Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
