I think I died a long time ago.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
