dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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