don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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