dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
