winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
