The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
