My room smells like vodka and shame
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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