i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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