I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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