you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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