there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
