I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
