went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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