her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
