Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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