it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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