Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
