The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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