All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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