Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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