make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
