If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
