bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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