its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
