I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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