1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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