My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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