Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
