They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
