another moral hangover. fuck.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
