he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
