I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
