Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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